The man shook his head and said “no, honey, I mean girls aren’t allowed to play baseball… but I’m sure there’s a nice girls’ softball team you could join.”
He said “I’m sorry honey, but girls can’t play baseball.”
I told him “yes I can… I can bat and catch and throw and I play second base when we play with our friends,” while my brother chimed in with “yeah, she does.”
Hi everybody! I have been looking at posts on narcs and narc abuse on here and if has really helped me out a lot. I am currently struggling with my situation and need some advice/support.
I met a narc last year, everything seemed to good to be true. Love bombing, always texting calling and taking me on dates. Everything changed when someone warned me about him out in public in front of him and who he is. This caused a conflict with us and the love bombing seized.
he would tell me that everything is okay and i can come and talk. He would set a time limit on me and kick me out after that.
he would then text me like everything was fine and we hung out again and after that he completely ghosted me for one week. He came back and texted me a week later laughing about the ghosting and acting like nothing had happened.
he continued to text me ( not like in the beginning) make plans with me, then on the day of the plans he would just ghost me. One day he would act interested the next silence.
i contacted him a month later and he acted like nothing happened. He was on a vacation and sent me a picture of another woman ( someone he allegedly met on the trip) to strike a reaction but i never gave him one. After the trip he came to my place and was extremely rude, accusing me of going on dates with a bunch of men. The next day he accused me of being an alcoholic and that he wanted nothing to do with me but said well maybe we can be "friends" then ghosted me
i assumed at this point it was over and i would never hear from him again. He contacted me on the holiday a month later acting like everything was great. We ended up hanging out a month or so later and when we hung out it went well, i thought things were going in the right direction.
after we hung out.. silence. I would try to text him and if he replied it would be very short then he just stopped replying. He ghosted me for almost three months. I thought he was done this time and of course he popped up again like nothing happened. At this point i was getting sick of if so i questioned him as to why he dissapeared and always does this. Of course he had some sob story about a injury and family member dying of cancer. I felt pity for him and he gave me an apology.. so i took him back stupidly.
things seemed to be going smooth for a couple months, of course until his family member died and his injury got better he never contacted me and was distant. Menawhile, i was there for him during the difficult time for him. He lied to me about the funeral and never wanted to chat. I was chasing him and he would always claim nothing was wrong but when i said i thought he used me when he was down he could not handle it and would always tell me he didnt care and to go away. I would get so upset i would try texting him to work it out he would barelt respond and if he did he would not be nice about it.
we did hang out a couple times after that, he would ignore me after. One day i was like hey i think you are seeing someone else, and i was like well ixam seeing someone so no problem if you are he said " buy bye good luck with your new guy stop contacting me" i was devastated and tried to get into contact with him for weeks then i just gave up and accepted it was over. He ended up contacting me a month later acting like everything was fine. He wanted to go out and have drinks i told him i would. He and i both seemed to have a great time. He ends up ignoring me again. I kept texting him trying to figure out what was wrong. He kept saying everything was fine and i said ok can we hang out again? He said maybe i was like why? He just kept saying maybe …
our last conversation we had… i said what is wrong ? He said nothing is wrong everything is fine. I asked him why he keeps saying maybe. He said " maybe but i dont want to see you right now" i said why? He saix " im just not feeling it, if i wanted to date i would" i said why did you contact me less then a week ago wanting to go out? He said i didnt.. even though he did. So i said should i just move on or what? He said whatever you want to do. So i said that he was really confusing me and asked him if he had anything more to say before i move on? My messages were turning green so i panicked he blocked me and reacted irrationally. I said " omg did you block me? My messages are not going through. Even texted him on my work phone asking what was up. And called him twice ( please dont judge me i know it is pathetic i never was this type of girl before him) so he replied and said " Ok I'll block you now" then immedietly blocked me. He has never blocked me before since I have met him he will just ghost. Is this ths final discard aka " grand finale? Did i just push him too far?
this has upset me so much its hard to even function.
Five years later, the league changed their rules to admit girls, and my sister joined… and made the all-star team in her first season. At the all-star game, I ran into Mr. L., the man who had turned me away years before, and I said “gee, I guess girls really CAN play baseball.” He had no idea what I was talking about and just congratulated my dad on my sister’s skills.
My brother and dad and I arrived at the school gym to register. My brother signed up, no problem. My dad turned to me and said “go ahead, honey,” and I asked the man at the table to sign me up.
I was furious as we left, and I stayed that way. Driving home, my father asked me if I wanted to play softball instead and I said no. I’d never liked softball anyway - the ball is too big, and hitting a softball feels flabby, like swatting a dead squirrel - but after that, I absolutely refused to accept second-best. I never did play organized ball.
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My brother played in that league for years.
Even at 8 years old, that seemed both stupid and unfair to me… stupid first because girls CLEARLY are able to play baseball as I’d been doing so for years, and second, because if I’d wanted to play softball, I’d have asked to play softball. Unfair because I knew I was being fobbed off with something inferior and being treated as different and lesser simply because I was a girl, and that outraged me.
I’ve never forgotten the hollowness and the nausea of that feeling when I was turned away….or the bafflement I felt at people who would describe themselves as good people, like Mr. L., just being ok with participating in injustice and discrimination.
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My dad knew immediately what I meant. We had a talk about it, and he said that he was proud that I hadn’t let it go… that it still bothered me, because injustice SHOULD always bother you. I told him that what I didn’t expect to hurt so much was realizing that Mr. L. didn’t have any memory at all of what, to me, was so momentous and so crushing. I was upset at how casually he excluded me… that it didn’t bother him in the slightest, like it was all in a day’s work.
I was 8. My brother brought home a flyer from school about a baseball league, and I wanted to sign up. I didn’t realize why I didn’t get the same flyer, but my dad did, and when I said I wanted to play, my dad just said “we’ll see what they say.”
